When I was in fourth grade I wanted to be a psychologist. This was after I decided to defer my dreams of becoming a fire-fighter slash hair dresser (kindergarten goals) and an international pop star (second grade goals). This was me evolving and thinking more "practically."
I think what intrigued me the most about being a psychologist was the opportunity to really learn about how people think. In short, I was nosey. I liked to know things.
My inquisitive nature and thirst for knowledge has gotten me to the career I have now. Oh, you thought I was going to say PR? I was actually referring to my side hustle as a writer slash Gladiator slash eyebrow savant slash self-proclaimed "Petty Psychologist." FYI, I learned at an early age that having slashes in your job title makes you come across as a very talented person. Just ask all of those actors slash waiters slash models slash real estate agents out there.
As a "Petty Psychologist" I pride myself on my ability to read. Sometimes I read for leisure and other times I read "for filth." Being a "Petty Psychologist" requires you to frequently claim to mind your own business, but then opt to not mind your own business.
Both of these things, my ability to read and my penchant for not minding my own business (I call it inquisitiveness), have led us to this point.
One day I spent a few minutes chuckling at my "Frequently Used" emojis because it was looking particularly petty which got me to wondering about other people's "Frequently Used" emojis.
That's when I decided to take action. I reached out to a diverse selection of people from my phone contacts and asked them to send me a screenshot of their "Frequently Used" emojis. And, when I say diverse I mean it. This selection includes both men and women from all sorts of different backgrounds. For goodness sake, I even reached out to Android users. Now how's that for inclusive?
During my outreach, I was met with plenty of "LOLs" and a fair amount of "Don't Judge Me" pleas which was when I realized that I have reached the High Plains of Pettiness where I can now take a seat, sip some tea and leisurely read..err...I mean analyze, people's choices in emoji for your entertainment.
Now before we get started, let's get some housekeeping out of the way. The notion of "Frequently Used" means that these are emojis that individual people have used most recently as in within the last week. This is a snapshot of time more than anything else and as one participant wisely noted, isn't objective. Yes, wise participant, there is no science to this at all. Mostly because I earned my degree in Petty Psychology (not to be confused with Positive Psychology) from Trump University and am still awaiting to hear if a) the university is accredited and b) if I'll ever get a return on my investment for those "free" seminars I paid for. This is all to say that I am in no way a licensed psychologist. I'm just petty. That's all. Let's have some fun, shall we?
Oh, and one more minor thing: All of the people below are anonymous. I will provide no detail on their background. At this point I don't remember who is who anyways and don't plan to check my phone to find out. Even pettiness has its limits. Well, my pettiness has its limits because I would still like to have friends after this. Use your imagination! This is all in good fun. Okay, let the Petty Party begin!
Click each image to read my personalized assessment of each person's emojis.
(IF YOU'RE READING FROM A MOBILE DEVICE: NEXT, CLICK THE DOT AT THE BOTTOM RIGHT OF THE POP-UP OVERLAY.)