That Time I Found Something I Wrote Almost Ten Years Ago

I finally replaced my 2009 Macbook because for obvious reasons it wasn't getting the job done anymore. The most daunting task to complete when you get a new computer is to transfer files from your old clunker to your new whip. For me, this activity resulted in a trip down memory lane. I opened and read things I wrote over the past decade. It was wild to think about how much I've changed since then and how much I wrote back then. If you're ever feeling sentimental then I recommend going through your old work. It's kind of like that Time Hop app, but instead of thinking, "Whoa, I wore that? you think "Whoa, I wrote that?"

I thought I would share with you an essay from 2007. This is an essay I wrote for my college application and it may or may not have helped me get admitted to school. I don't know, you'd have to ask the admissions boards who I'm sure remember this essay from 2007. Anyway, let's Time Hop to October 2007 when young Anuli, that neurotic overachiever, decided that she would complete college applications for 9 schools all in one week because she wanted to apply for early admission. What's funny about the college application process was that I was so focused on completing the applications that I never told my parents I was doing it. It wasn't until December of that year that my parents were finally like, "Um, so everyone is talking about college applications and you haven't started yours." And I said, "Oh, I did those back in October."  Maybe that was when my parents realized how easy they had it.


What is your greatest love and what is your greatest fear?

Earlier this year in photography class we were given an assignment to take photographs of things that we love and things that we fear. Our objective was to find a way to connect two seemingly opposite themes. Before we began to shoot our pictures our teacher had us write down exactly what we loved and what we feared. Like most people my “Things That I Love” list consisted of my family, my friends and so forth, while my “Things That I Fear” list consisted of mice, spiders, heights, et cetera.

After school that day I drove around to different locations to take pictures. First, I went to the pet store to take pictures of mice. Due to a traumatizing childhood experience at Disney World, mice are one of my greatest phobias. After going to the pet store I went around taking pictures of bugs and buildings. Then I went home to finish my roll of film with pictures of my family, mostly my two year old sister, who is bound to be America’s Next Top Model one day.

I thought my sister was a pleasant model like Tyra Banks, but turns out she is more of the temperamental Naomi Campbell type. I placed my roll of film on the table before I left my room, and when I came back I found it in the toilet. All that time I spent taking pictures that I thought were great, and now my grade for that assignment would be, pun intended, flushed down the toilet.

Eventually I got over my anger towards my sister and realized that she actually gave me another opportunity to make even better prints. I thought about the objective of the assignment over and over again, “What do you love and what do you fear?” Then it hit me, this assignment is more than just taking snapshots of temperamental two year olds and bugs, it is about analyzing yourself and really thinking about what it is that you truly love, what motivates you to enjoy your life. Or, what it is that you truly fear, what constantly haunts you in your sleep. More importantly, how do your loves and fears connect to define who you really are.

So, to finally answer the question, “What do you love and what do you fear?” Out of all the things in the world what I love most is forging my own path. I believe that people can create their own destinies. I am the kind of person who, if I want to achieve something I don’t wait for opportunity to come knocking on my door, instead I always leave my door open to new experiences and challenges. I am a self-motivated individual who knows what she wants to achieve and will do whatever it takes to make it happen. I love setting realistic goals for myself and actually achieving them. For example, junior year I decided to register for two AP classes; World History and English. However, my teachers told me that they were unsure of how well I would do. I exceeded their expectations and did well in both classes that year. That experience taught me how good it feels to really take control of your own destiny.

Out of my greatest love comes my greatest fear; my greatest fear is not accomplishing all of my goals. Although I am a self-motivated person, sometimes I fear that I may not achieve everything that I want. More often than my fear of mice, my fear of failure haunts me in my sleep. Yet, this fear has never stopped me from taking risks. One of my favorite quotes is one by author Marianne Williamson where she says, “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate, our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.” The reason that I fear failure is because I know that I can accomplish great things in the future. Although I do not know to what extent, I do know that my hard work will eventually produce amazing opportunities and a fulfilling future for myself.

Love and fear are often seen in commercialized ways; whether it is through Valentine’s Day cards, or Halloween costumes.  Millions of dollars go into selling these emotions to the public every year. Nowadays, it seems as if people have lost what it is to truly love. Our love for something or someone should give us a reason to live; instead of to just exist. To exist is merely to deign to live while to live is to love life. Fear is more than a haunted house or a ghost story. The things that we fear should not be sold in costume shops, but instead they should come from experience as well as the subconscious. To fear is a common emotion, not just a commodity. The things that we love and fear may seem as if they are on two different ends of the spectrum, but if that spectrum consists of an individual person, what we love and what we fear actually collaborates to create one dynamic human being.